In Spring, I watch the butterflies dance around each other, flying in a yellow dream. I watch people fall under the trance of the damp love in the air. And well, love is in the air.
It’s difficult not to daydream during such a beautiful season, especially while being held captive in an apartment with screaming vultures. But occasionally, the vultures leave. These hormone-induced dances put me in a state of thought, and I can’t help but to think to myself- Where’s mine?
So it’s been a while. Haven’t been ‘in the game’ for a long while now. I’m more focused on college and whatnot. However, it’s difficult to keep your mind off prospectives when everything around you is pushing you towards finding someone.
And well,who am I kidding? I may be young, but there’s not much time left. Once I get into college, I won’t have time to be dating,so I better take advantage of my time now,no? Then again, why conform to a society where single women are frowned upon? It’s perfectly fine to be single.
I don’t want to be single though.
Behind my serious exterior, there’s a person who is afraid of dying alone, in search for the so-called ‘love’ emotion(that so many of my friends say isn’t ‘hormone-induced’….), someone who is needing someone else to kill spiders for. I don’t want to become the crazy cat lady from next door(“Come children…Pet my kitties” haunts my thoughts…). Or a crazy dog person. Or any crazy animal type person. Most importantly, I may be the way I am because,like many others, I am afraid of being harmed. I am just another damaged person.
I hope I can at least fall back on a career…
Life alone is worse poor, especially when you’ve lived poor all your life and your job,blows.
4 Comments
April 29, 2008 at 2:54 am
You’re not alone.
You probably will find someone at some point in your life, but I can’t garuantee anything.
As for right now, you at a certain point in your life, especially now that your in your “late” teen years.
Trust me, 2 to even 9 yrs from now you’ll look back at it and just … lawl..
Right now I would say to focus on your studies and the future. You have plenty of time to meet someone and you never know when you’ll actually meet them. It could be while your studying, after,before, now, tomorrow, never..
Well any who… That sense of wanting to be loved… the feeling of it is part of being human.
We need to feel affection whether we show it or not.
Our hearts thrive and prospore most when we are with someone, and when it is deprived from it, I guess it just enters this state.
We know we feel lonely, and we just tend to appreciate everything else a tad bit more(our friends, family, or anything else )
<33
May 2, 2008 at 11:37 pm
I second what this person said.
Just take your time, L.
May 3, 2008 at 11:25 am
How can you be lonely when you have me? I’ll gladly stick to you as long as you want or until we find you a a guy that hopefully understands you as much if not more than I do
Remember I love you
My bestest buddy
December 15, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Preaching to the choir.
We all feel that way i guess but you no longer have to feel that way do you. You have wonderful friends that will be there to support you and kill all the spiders you want.
…and you can also now buy a husband. I know i will.